Good bye

[this is purely fictional :P ]

Ala,my hometown in kerala,india,is a farming community of about 1000 people,tucked somewhere in kerala
Not a lot of extraordinary people pass through here.Suzzane was an exception.
For one thing she was a Jacobite and was part of one of Ala’s wealthiest families.She lived in a sprawling colonial house and they had a home in New York too.
Despite her numerous blessings, which included great physical beauty there was nothing snooty about Suzanne.She was one among the first people to befriend people of her age.
She had her schooling in India,and now she was doing her college in states.

I knew Suzzane only enough to exchange greetings when we passed in the neighbourhoods.I was a good painter and, in parlance of the time, kind of smart. But I was insecure, especially around females- creatures I found mysterious and intimidating.

All of which may explain my bewilderment one morning when Suzzane and I bumped into each other at my grandpa’s shop. I had just finished my second year at Ramiah engineering college in Bangalore and come home for vacations.Suzzane whose horizons were much broader than mine, was home after her first year at Harvard.

Suzzane greeted me happily.I remember the feel of her hand, soft and smooth.She was as tall as I, with perfect skin, soft features and fluorescent white teeth.

I never had much of Suzzane’s heart. She was found of me no doubt. For her I was part of interlude between childhood and and the more serious endeavours of adulthood to come .

Thus,Suzzane and I rarely ventured beyond the surface of life.She never mentioned the future in any respect, or any nagging worry or sorrow.
I was crazy about her, of course. And had a bad habit of saying so. I was a very frank and open minded person. Each time I did she pulled away from me.

One night when Suzzane and I were together out of nowhere she spoke the words that guys in my situation would dread above all.She said,”I think we should just be friends.”
I told her I was tired of her games and was not as much of a silly person as she thought. And I stormed away. By morning I had cooled off.I sent her some music CD’s with a apology note and my friendship.

Suzzane and I started meeting each other again about a week later.But this time I had learnt my lesson. No more moony eyes.
It worked beautifully for some days.
Finally Suzzane asked “What’s wrong with you?”.
“What do you mean,what wrong?”
“You are not yourself”,she said
“you haven’t been yourself for a long time.”
“No” I said.
For the first time I remember,she became angry.Then she proposed a deal.
”you be who you are”,she said,
”and I will invite u to celebrate Onam ,over at my home .”
It was a bargain I quickly accepted.She was as good as her word.

At her home,I thought she would have little time for me.But she acknowledged our friendship in front of her family.I thought it was very nice of her.Those days seem golden, a bit unreal.One time I told Suzzane that I love her. She only smiled.

She was to get back to her college, a week before me.
I thought of how dramatically our lives were about to diverge and was saddened. But more than anything I felt gratitude for the fine, fun times we had spent over the last two months.
“good bye”. I said as we stood in the airport.
“don’t say good-bye”,she replied.”say ‘see you later’”.

I kept in touch with her through orkut. I learnt that she had Fallen in love with her Indian classmate Raghunand.
On her 20th birthday I scrapped my wishes to her on orkut.She thanked me while chatting over gtalk the next day,but she seemed busy chatting with others,I quickly ended my chat with her .

It was November 25th ,it was cloudless blue sky,and the air was crisp.Classes were done for the day. It is rare when happiness and contentment consciously register with a person,but they did that afternoon.I went over to check my e-mail in the lab.I had a mail from Raghunand,I felt something was wrong.

Suzzane was dead.

The previous morning,he told me,Suzzane was on her way to the dormitory ,that she was hit by a car,she died instantly.
How does a person grieve? I wondered,puzzled by my lack of tears.
I was among the last to leave the college that day. I emerged that day from the grief into a different world,an adult world.
They say you haven’t lived life if you have nothing to regret about.
I regret saying “Good-bye” to her.